I know you have read many books and articles that give you a nine step process of how to overcome fear, perhaps you have had countless advise on how you can get over your fear or you have probably attempted several things to face your fears, some of these may have worked for you and some not. Don’t get me wrong, it is perfectly okay to go through all that. So I will not bore you with another article of how to overcome fear, instead I am going to share a short story of how I am facing & overcoming my fears on a daily basis.
Picture this, when you are taking tea or coffee, you drink from a mug or a cup, right? Your hand actually feels the texture of that cup as your fingers clasps around the handle. You are at that very minute aware that you are not only holding a cup but you are also seeing what you are holding . The action of you holding that cup appeals to your whole being and to all your five senses. That cup is real, you are holding it until you release it from your hand, you will feel its grip against your fingers.
This is how, I experienced fear in my life. It was real and tangible in the very essence of the words. I could feel fear in my inner being and in my very own existence. Fear and I coexisted in a very long time and I gave in to all its limiting power over me in many ways more than I can count. You see, I was born in fear. Let me explain. By the time I was born, my dad was an alcoholic and a violent man who exerted so much fear in our house. We were in constant fear of him and what he could do. There was chaos in that house, it was not a peaceful environment. You can imagine welcoming a newborn in that pandemonium.
I grew up under constant fear of my father. His violence towards my mom that later transferred to my siblings and I, paralysed our ambitions. You see, my father, constantly exerted his authority over us through threats and violence. It became worse when he was drunk. His harsh words towards me were words that would break the spirit of any child. They broke my spirit. Words like, you are not good enough, you are a failure, I will do something to you that you will regret, who told you that you can do that? Many of such negative words that he said to me I can not repeat them here, but they enormously planted seeds of undeniable fear that germinated into my adulthood.
I could not speak up for myself due to fear of what my classmates will say. I could not engage in extra curricular activities such as sports or music due to fear of not being being good enough. I could not stand up against bullying due to fear of the reaction from the offender. I feared speaking up in meetings due to fear of what my boss would think. I feared giving ideas for fear of being shot down. I feared asking for any help so that I don’t get rejected. I cared so much for peoples approval that I lost myself in becoming a people pleaser. I almost became someone I was not.
One thing that I love doing is reading, writing and speaking to people. I therefore lost myself in books, writing and my work. I knew at a very early age, back in primary school that I was talented in these three areas. But for so many years I suppressed my exploration of these talents due to fear.
When the nurse placed my newborn daughter in my arms in 2012, I knew that I never wanted her to be raised in fear neither live a fearful mediocre life. The birth of my daughter ignited in me a fire that I had suppressed for so long. A fire that I had fought so much to keep from burning. I decided, if I want to raise a confident, purpose driven child, I must then deal with my own fears. Progressively, I looked at fear in the eye and told him to ##$%%@ off! I am done hosting him rent free! In one hand, I literary squashed fear and in the other I held my purpose and I took a leap!
In the five years that followed, I graduated with my MBA. Quit my job and started a journey of my life towards my purpose. A journey which is less travelled, full of bushes and bumps, a journey which as been scary but which I have been bold and confidently pushed through. A journey of hope for the future. A journey which if I had taken into account what people would say and think of me or if I had given to my limited beliefs, trust me I would not have embarked on it. And now, almost 40, I am just getting started!
My journey of facing and overcoming my fear has been long but worth every step. Yours doesn’t have to be longer like mine. I went through all that so that, you, can have the courage to face your fears, break limiting beliefs and go through whatever obstacles you are facing and curve a purposeful life. I wish, in my journey I had someone to hold my hand. Someone to coach me or offer any support. I never did. Mine was a will of strength from God.
That is why I designed the Purpose Driven Queen Coaching Program, a six week coaching program that helps women overcome their fears, get unstuck and curve a purpose driven life for themselves.
You deserve to live fully, deliberately and purposefully. If you are she, you need not do it alone. I invite you to click on this link below for more details.
“The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams.” – Oprah